For many years I and my family have enjoyed tucking in to a can of SupaFrutos Tinned O-So-Heavenli Pears after our dinner. We always have a stash of your canned loveliness ready to open at any occasion. We have seven spare tin openers, and even took advantage of your 2003 offer to buy your branded O-So pear bowls. We managed to accumulate so many that we gave them to all our friends that Christmas! It’s no surprise that you are the world’s most popular brand of tinned pears.
And so it is with a heavy heart that I write to inform you of my family’s disappointment at your continued partnership with the hugely popular Hate Pears tabloid. For many years I have struggled with the fruitist rhetoric of Hate Pears, but of late their scaremongering headlines have really gone beyond the pale: ‘Pears cause cancer’, ‘Ban these foreign pears’ and ‘Pear-eating paedophiles set to get new homes – for free!’ have really put me on edge, not least when combined with the somewhat contradictory articles about how best to poach a pear, where to eat the juiciest pears in Italy and current sixteen year-old pop sensation Iced Pear’s revealingly peary outfit at this year’s Pear Awards.
I find it increasingly bizarre that you would not only associate your brand with such a publication, but that you would even allow Hate Pears to run SupaFrutos offers, such as last week’s ‘O-So Heavenli 2-4-1’ deal. This is particularly problematic for me – as I’m sure it is for many families – who often walk past Hate Pears’s front pages with their little ones in tow: ‘Oh please, daddy’, they whine. ‘Please can we buy Hate Pears? I love pears so much and Hate Pears will give us free pears!’
Now I, as any decent parent, don’t want to give in to the pleading, but am also under pressure to provide the necessary peary goodness for my children. I suspect this is the case up and down the land. But I am also under further pressure to teach my children the rights and wrongs of this world – I have a moral compass which I wish to pass on to my beloved children.
And this is where you come in, because your website explicitly states that not only do you grow and package delicious pears, but you also really like pears! You already have a huge customer base: there are millions of us pear-lovers, and we’re loyal to you. But that loyalty can only continue for so long under the present circumstances. And thus I write to you with one simple request: end your association with Hate Pears. I recognise that there may be some financial implications for your company, but we will continue to buy your pears, as will many others.
Billy Broccoli and Family
Dear Mr Broccoli,
Thank you so much for your email. Whilst we at SupaFrutos completely understand your frustrations with Hate Pears, and whilst we ourselves not share their views on pears, we will continue our partnership with the publication as we do not wish to either exercise, or be seen to exercise, editorial control. We are a pear company and thus not in the habit of censoring pear-based news.
Although I appreciate your reply, I am not sure you appreciate the groundswell of opinion against Hate Pears, especially from fans of O-So Heavenli Pears. As you no doubt have seen, my original email to you has now been shared by over 50,000 people. There is also a hashtag which is globally trending on Twitter. you may have seen it already: #LovePearsHateHatePears.
In light of this perhaps you will consider the economic, if not ethical, choice: if you continue to work with Hate Pears you may well lose customers. Hate Pears, meanwhile, will continue to attract their readership if people do, indeed, buy the paper for its aggressive frutism.
Your argument regarding censorship and editorial control is a non-starter. Firstly, Hate Pears is committed to ridding the country of pears, and as such should not be surprised if SupaFrutos chooses to advertise its pears somewhere else. It is, as I have already stated, bizarre that you entered into a partnership in the first place. Secondly, if Hate Pears’s content were to change with you leaving, that would suggest that its values are not strongly held. Unfortunately, I think that some people think they do hate pears, and that Hate Pears only serves to exacerbate this feeling, but this should not invalidate your values, namely that pears are glorious in all their pearity. Thirdly, even if you have previously held sway over the content of Hate Pears’s articles – which I strongly doubt given this morning’s ‘Muslim benefit cheat blows £10,000 on pear-addled binge party’ – your own stated values still contrast sharply with the editors at the paper. Removing yourselves from any contract would not be censorious, but actually free Hate Pears to speak even more lucidly about their absolute hatred of foreign pears, especially those grown in Syria. Fourthly, whatever your view of the ethics, this also has to be an economic choice for SupaFrutos: if you continue to work in tandem with Hate Pears you will lose custom, and I and my family might have to turn to Poundland’s ‘Pears in brine’ range.
Please consider this further, and check out the hashtag.
Dear Mr Broccoli
Although we of course cannot comment on the specifics, we would like to make clear that we listen to our customers’ views. As such we have decided that, in the interests of our customers’ interests, we will no longer be working with Hate Pears. That publication will, I’m sure continue to exercise its right to promote it’s anti-pear world view, which it is, of course, entitled to both hold and publicise.
SupaFrutos will, however, take no part in this.